Today place your wrists under the cold tap for 1 minute (or 8 breaths). Cold water exposure to the veins and arteries in our wrists can help lower core body temperature. Reducing body temperature can help calm the nervous system to lift mood. Test today.
I'm piloting a new session called Brilliant Memory which I will launch in time for the autumn. Memory plays a vital in our cognitive performance and emotionally resilience. Register for the final fully funded pilot session. Thursday 17th August 12pm - 1pm (20 places only, everyone welcome).
I'm also branching out into something new which I've been working on for the past 6 months. Calm Presenter. Helping anyone improve their presentation and public speaking skills. Communicate with clarity, deliver with confidence and feel calmer. Small groups, half day and one day courses. Register here for the final pilot date invite and 50% off.
Details about my overwhelming moment last month; Four weeks ago I'm standing in my kitchen planning a house move. It's a long and stressful to-do list. Then my dad calls. "The GP is really worried as I've suddenly lost loads of weight, they are sending me for tests starting tomorrow."
I'm trying to process this information "Thanks for letting me know, how can I help?" My Dad replies "I don't want you to tell your mother or your siblings, I just needed to tell someone".
We end the call and I sit down. My impulse is to call my Mum. Although I explained to my Dad that things would be easier if he told my Mum he strictly asked me not to.
I can feel a huge wave of emotion a stream of what if's? What if my dad dies this year? What if my mum and siblings are angry they didn't know sooner? What if I'd spoken to my dad earlier in the year when I knew something was wrong?
Instead of taking time to get perspective, or talk to someone, I do the opposite. In direct contrast with the recommendations of 100’s of studies I decide to try and ignore the situation with my dad just for today. I try and persevere with my to-do list.
Unsurprisingly I have an awful sleep (just when I needed a good one). I now feel tired, stressed, anxious and alone. I'd like to cry to get some release but feel too wired to shed any tears.
So what happened next?
I’m sharing this story with you to highlight that when unexpected events occur out of the blue we rarely react well to them immediately. That's ok, we’re human not machines. The skill we develop over time is in ‘how quickly we can do 1 thing to improve our situation’.
In this case it took me 48 hours. I told my children. They listened and made some simple suggestions - go for a walk, go for a swim, get a good sleep. The main benefit for me was just telling someone. To get it off my chest, to lighten the load.
If you are struggling with something at the moment tell someone today. Tell a friend, a neighbour, a stranger, call Samaritans 116 123 (no problem too small). Worst case just send me an email about it, I will reply letting you know I've read your email. I won't suggest any next steps but I can reassure you that you're not alone and that someone hears you.
The latest with my dad is that it looks terminal. It's one thing knowing death is inevitable for all of us at some point. It's another thing when someone you love feels closer to dying. I will keep you updated.
“The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.” - John Green
Don't aim for perfect, aim for what you can do today.
You are a good person, doing your best. That's enough.
Need a hand? These services are excellent and available 24 hours a day for ANY problem - I've used them both! You are not alone.
Text 'shout' to 85258 - text support
Call Samaritans 116 123 - phone support, no problem too small
Instead of putting article links here at the bottom I’m going to experiment by sending a new mini post each fortnight highlighting things I’ve found useful and interesting.