Don't Wait
The most important message for World Mental Health Day
Our ability to put things off is quite incredible. We defer and procrastinate. It’s normal. All of us do this in some shape or form.
From tricky emails to certain work tasks.
From repairing the sink, to taking stuff to the charity shop.
From telling someone that we don’t feel right, to keeping a secret for years.
We already know the waiting hurts us in some way. Yet we keep delaying, ignoring and avoiding.
I’m currently reading a novel called The Nix. There is a tiny passage where the main character goes to visit his grandfather in a care home. The grandfather has Alzheimer’s. He struggles with certain memories. Some of his mental abilities have deteriorated. However, some of his abilities have improved. One of these is the ability to see how someone really feels. He knows his grandson is struggling with some deep pain beyond the relaxed, jovial air he is trying to project.
This passage got me thinking about how we all carry something uncomfortable around with us. Something that weighs us down, a worry, a pain, a difficult situation. We can become very skilful at hiding it. Sometimes we almost congratulate ourselves by thinking, “I’ve managed to keep everyone from the truth for another whole day!”
“Neuroscience research shows that the only way we can change the way we feel is by becoming aware of our inner experience and learning to befriend what is going on inside ourselves.” – Bessel A. van der Kolk
This week is World Mental Health Day - Friday 10th October. This simple post is here to say: don’t wait. The only prize we get for waiting is physical and mental pain increasing. Worse than that is the pain we carry starts to impact our interpretation of the world around us. We lose our ability to see the bigger picture. We make decisions based on inaccurate information. We aren’t ‘just hiding the pain’, we are clouding our judgement.
It’s not easy but it’s important. It matters because you matter. It’s vital because the help we get empowers us to support our families, friends and colleagues.
How can we start today?
Send a short text
“I’m having a rough day, could we chat?”
Just sending this text begins the process of acknowledging how we really feel.
Write it down
Just start with one word, or one short sentence.
This technique is very simple but can also be very powerful. It forces us to find the word to describe what we feel. This in turn can make it easier for us to see more clearly what type of help or support would be most effective.
“I’m scared I’ve made the wrong decision.”
“I don’t know what to do about this relationship.”
“It’s so overwhelming I’m not sure I can cope.”
“I feel so alone”
Naming the feeling and reaching out interrupts the worry loop and lightens cognitive load. research - here
Tell one person how you feel
Who could you confide in today? Could you invite them for a drink this week?
Our friends and colleagues want to help us more than we realise. Confiding in someone is our way of saying ‘ I trust you’ to the other person. This bonds us closer together.
You can always begin by confiding a little of how you feel and if it feels right, open up a little more at a later date. Each small step is an important step.
Sharing honestly how we feel with another person strengthens social bonds and reduces stress, with studies showing that emotional disclosure lowers physiological stress responses and improves wellbeing.
Make a GP’s appointment
A reliably safe place where we can tell someone in confidence how we really feel. GP’s are fully aware that sometimes people make an appointment with one symptom only to need help with another. GP’s are, on the whole, excellent listeners.
In a survey by Healthwatch Lambeth, nearly two-thirds of people who talked to their GP about mental health found it easy because the GP was empathetic, caring, and understanding.
Call Samaritans
Call 116 123. Available 24/7. Someone always available to listen. I’ve called Samaritans twice in my life. Once to help one of my family and once because I needed support. When someone helps us feel heard, it allows us to ‘mentally exhale’. Our emotions begin to regulate. We start to see our situation more clearly. We realise that we are not alone.
A nationwide study by Samaritans (Helpline Study 2020) asked callers to rate their distress (0 = no distress, 10 = severely distressed) at the start and end of the call. The average distress level dropped from 7.4 → 4.2 over the course of the call — a substantial immediate reduction.
We are a tribal species; we haven’t evolved to cope by ourselves, we have evolved to cope together. Our nervous systems are designed to co-regulate, to steady each other through connection. A calm friend’s voice can slow our breathing; a reassuring hand on the shoulder can lower cortisol; even synchronising our movements while walking or talking helps our heart rate settle. When we feel seen and connected, our body shifts from threat mode into balance. It’s a quiet reminder that we heal best not in isolation, but in connection. We all need a hand at some point.
You are a good person, doing your best. That’s enough.
“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.”
- Mary Anne Radmacher
This week I enjoyed these pictures
And this succinct recap of ‘Just One Thing’ 10 easy ways to boost your health and wellbeing during your working day