How To Make a Decision
One decision can free up a lot of headspace
Before I start, thank you for all your lovely messages and feedback on the last post, they really mean a lot to me. I’m grateful for every response I receive x
One of the hidden consequences of all the tasks on our to-do list is deciding when and how to do them.
One of the hidden consequences of unexpected problems is deciding what to do about them.
The task or problem can cause stress, pain, fatigue and frustration.
And on top of that, we carry the weight of deciding what to do next.
The aim of this post is to explore some simple techniques to help you make a decision about a task that needs completing or a problem that needs resolving.
The hidden cost of not deciding
Not making a decision is still a decision.
My Dad has been behaving in a challenging way towards my mum. This is not new in itself, but the frequency and nature of it is.
What can I do about it?
In the first instance I needed to decide when I was going to visit my parents in Devon (5 hour drive).
It became obvious to me that I had been avoiding going to visit, but also knew, deep down, it mattered that I showed up.
What not making a decision cost me:
Mental load – the question of ‘when’ stayed open in my mind, taking up space all day
Low level stress – a constant “I need to sort that” feeling in the background
Reduced energy - decision fatigue kicked in before I could decide on a date/ time
Delayed action – I couldn’t properly plan other commitments
Indecision doesn’t feel dramatic. It just quietly drains us.
Especially when we’re already dealing with something emotional, like supporting family.
The Techniques
These techniques come from a variety of behavioural science studies and, fortunately, from coming across this book a couple of weeks ago – The Overthinker’s Guide to Making Decisions.
Although the book was helpful, I also found it a little bit of information overload, and then ironically the decision I was stuck with was which techniques to use! Nonetheless, I still found it a useful guide.
Technique 1 - Name the real decision
Instead of the question I’d been asking myself for the last few weeks:
When will I go and visit my parents?
I reframed it as: When would be the easiest time to visit my parents?
This made everything easier. Looking at the situation from a subtle change in perspective opened up a different way to think about it and the potential actions I could take. Instead of looking for ‘the best time’ and feeling overwhelmed. I looked for the easiest time for me. Because turning up was the priority.
Technique 2 - Set a decision deadline
I gave myself a simple boundary: “I’ll decide by 12pm on the 7th April”
Without a deadline, decisions expand to fill all available time.
I chose this date and time because it was the day before I went on holiday, as I knew I’d enjoy my holiday more with these decisions no longer taking up headspace.
Technique 3 - Define the single most important aim
With a clear aim in mind, it’s easier to identify the actions to help achieve that aim. Instead of thinking about the difficult situation and all the permutations for my parents, I distilled it down to the single biggest priority. For me, this was:
Helping my mum feel loved and supported.
With this in mind, it was easier to plan how to spend my time in Devon, which made the trip feel like a worthwhile use of my time.
Technique 4 - Make it reversible
Overthinking often comes from treating decisions like they’re permanent.
In reality:
Unexpected things come up
Plans can be adjusted
Calendars can be moved
Reminding myself that I could move the date if I needed to, ironically made it easier to book a date in my diary.
Microsteps = Meaningful Outcomes
When something feels difficult or uncertain, our instinct is often to wait until we have a clear plan or the ‘right’ energy. But in reality, progress rarely comes from big breakthroughs, it comes from small, consistent steps.
Microsteps are tiny, doable actions that move you forward without overwhelming you.
Send the message.
Go for the 5 minute walk.
Make the decision about one small part of the problem.
There’s a reason this works. The brain is constantly changing, a process known as neuroplasticity. Every small action strengthens a pathway. Every time you choose a helpful behaviour, you make it slightly easier to do it again.
You don’t need to solve everything today. You just need to take the next small step.
Small steps, repeated, create meaningful change.
Final Thought
Making a decision is like putting our brain on rails.
When we travel by car, we have a lot of choice about when to leave. This choice drains mental energy.
When we travel by train, we normally only have a couple of options. And as soon as we are on the train, we are just moving, getting closer every minute.
Making a decision puts our mind on track and allows us to move forward with less effort.
You are a good person, doing your best. That’s enough.
“There is a fine line between challenging yourself and overwhelming yourself.”
― Brittany Burgunder
Six of the world’s most amazing railway journeys - here
Practice Nothing, the most profound of all practices - here
Effect of exercise on depression and anxiety symptoms - here
Need a hand? Feel alone? Don’t wait, contact someone today. You deserve support as much as anyone else. You are not alone. Reply to this message if that’s easiest.
Text Shout - 85258 - simple support via text, I used when I wasn’t sure who to turn to
Call Samaritans 116 123 - no problem too small, I’ve used a couple of times, once during a relationship break up, once when one of my family said they were suicidal and I wasn’t sure who to ask for help
NHS Every Mind Matters - simple and effective resources you can access immediately here