Important You Know

Self criticism insight from my Dad

It’s estimated that the human brain generates 37 - 45 thoughts per minute

How many of those thoughts are positive? - Well done, you are doing great

How many are neutral? - observing what’s happening

How many are negative? - I should be doing better, I’m a bad person

Many people struggle with self criticism. Negative thoughts in response to an emotionally reactive judgment.

“I should have done that differently”

"I'm not as competent as people think I am."

"This is a disaster."

"They probably don't like me."

It’s normal to have negative thoughts. Our chimp brain has a negativity bias which means our default response, if the answer isn't obvious, will er on the side of negative. However, just because they are ‘normal’ doesn't mean negative thoughts have no impact. It doesn't mean they are nothing.

Life is challenging in many ways. Family relationships, career demands, unexpected overwhelming situations.

Criticising ourselves on top of all the other things we have to deal with doesn't help us. It lowers our confidence and blurs our perspective. We find it harder to get clarity which in turn makes it more difficult to identify the most useful next step.

This is an important reminder to let you know clearly and definitively that:

• You are a good person doing your best in tough circumstances

• You have achieved a lot more than you realise

• You are worthy of love and respect

• Within you is the power to make the changes you want to make

Every day, every week, every month, every year I see people before me in all walks of life trying hard. Doing the best they can in challenging circumstances. I am certain you are part of the 99% who are doing the same.

One of the saddest parts of my Dad reaching the last years of his life is feeling certain he criticised himself more than he criticised the rest of us.

He has given himself such a hard time over his lifetime. So much of it so unnecessary. And now he is running out of time.

We can all learn something from my dad. Most of our self criticism is unfounded. We all make mistakes, we all get things wrong. We cant avoid this. No one can. We are imperfect. The world is imperfect. We can learn to forgive ourselves and move on.

Imagine a song comes on the radio, one you really don't like. It annoys you and you just want it to finish. Once it ends you feel glad its over. If that song was self criticism, we’d play it on repeat for the next 30 minutes even though we know we don't like it! Once was enough, those extra ‘listens’ didn't help anyone.

Managing self criticism isn't easy. But that doesn’t mean its not important. That doesn't mean we can’t try.

Start here; who is one person you can thank today?

Send them a quick thank you and see how you feel afterwards.

I’m going to thank my mum for always being there.

When we express appreciation and recognition we immediately start to feel closer to others. Humans are a tribal species, we experience physical and psychological rewards through the very act of connecting.

Thank you for how hard you try each day. I promise it makes a difference.

Find a moment for you today. To recharge and get perspective.