Our Brain Is Trying To Help
Convert a negative thought into a useful action + Permission To Pause Group
“Behind each negative thought is a positive intention” - Nobel Prize winner Danial Kahneman
Thank you to everyone who booked onto a Master Time & Focus 1on1 Clinic. All slots for March are now full, I’ll let you know when more slots become available.
This month I'm launching the Permission To Pause group - it would be great to see you there x.
How we perceive our thoughts has a huge influence on the quality of lives and the quality of our work. How we manage stress, plan our focus time, deal with relationships, problem solve and even choose which clothes to wear.
There is a tendency to react to negative thoughts by saying ‘go away, I don’t need this right now.’ Then we might scroll our phone looking for a funny video, or any new messages (none 10 mins ago but you never know), or that jumper we liked the look of earlier in the week.
Our first instinct is ignore, avoid, supress, numb.
So it’s worth asking ‘why does our brain give us negative thoughts?’
Lets take it back a bit first. Our body and brains number 1 priority (by a long way) is survival. Whatever it takes to prolong our existence.
If we cut ourselves our body starts to heal. If we are poorly our immune system asks us to rest so it can do the repair work.
When we are faced with a psychological problem. Anything from; heavy workload, family emergency, stressy email, energy bill etc, our brain has 1 priority;
Helping us find a solution
The negative thought is a signal. A guide telling us this (whatever caused the stress) needs attention. Our brains way of saying I’m going to give you some valuable resources to help you deal with it.
However, many of us are overwhelmed with busyness. There are so many things calling for our attention we get into the habit of ignoring that signal. And the pressure builds up.
Think of it as an unexpected call from a challenging member of our extended family. We see the name, think of the potentially frustrating conversation, then just let it go to voicemail. Unfortunately this doesn’t solve the problem, it ramps up the pressure. As now we have to find a time to call them back.
Developing the skill to ‘hear the signals’ ‘notice the intention’ is the foundation for self awareness and emotional intelligence. All linked with happier lives, ability to focus, stronger relationships and improved self worth.
This is why mindfulness is part of almost every form of therapy in some shape or form. Because it’s a scientifically proven reliable way to significantly improve the ‘noticing’ and ‘hearing’ of signals and intentions.
How can we convert negative thoughts into a useful action today?
Notice what the negative thought is saying
Identify one positive intention behind this negative thought
Plan a simple action to bring the intention to life
All of us will have negative thoughts to test it with. Here are some of mine from the last few weeks;
Negative Thought: I’ve got too much to do and I feel overwhelmed
Positive Intention: I want to do a good job for everyone
One action to bring intention to life: Move some less important tasks from my calendar (or to do list) from this week into next week, free up some space to do the most important work well
Negative Thought: I feel stuck in the middle, one person said something that upset someone else, now the whole group dynamic feels uncomfortable
Positive Intention: I want everyone to get on and for us to have a nice time
One action to bring intention to life: Reach out to the person who feels upset, reassure them they are wanted, ask them if there is anything I can do to help
Negative Thought: For fucks sake, we don’t have any of the chocolate left I was really looking forward to tonight
Positive Intention: I’d really like a nice end of day treat as reward for all my hard work
One action to bring intention to life: Pop to the local shop for some chocolate, because some is much better than none
Can you test it now? See how you get on.
Or anonymously submit a negative thought here and I’ll do my best to reframe it using the above technique in a mini clip I’ll publish in a couple of weeks
Hold in mind simply noticing how you really feel, before doing anything about it, is a highly beneficial first step.
When we see things more clearly it’s easier for us to find a more helpful response.
We check the weather forecast to know which clothes to wear. Do we need sunscreen or an umbrella?
Learning to check our internal weather is a skill that benefits every part of our lives.
“The wound is the place where the light enters you.” - Rumi
You are a good person, doing you best. That’s enough.
Take a moment for you today. Some valuable space to calm your nervous system and get perspective. I got up early one Sunday a couple of weeks ago to find an important moment for me and was greeted with this;
