Many years ago, I called the Samaritans.
My partner and I had separated. Our children were splitting their time between two homes. I never imagined our family would end up there.
I was grieving the life we’d built together. Alongside the sadness came shame and guilt, and speaking to a stranger somehow felt easier than speaking to people I knew.
Continues below…..
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………..one memory has stayed with me ever since.
It wasn’t so much the conversation itself. It was how I felt afterwards.
It felt like an emotional exhale.
For the first time in months, my mind became quieter. I could see more clearly. I knew the next step. I called a friend, found a therapist, and slowly life became easier.
That experience taught me something I’ll never forget.
Given enough space, the mind naturally begins to make sense of things. It reframes. It notices what really matters. It finds the next step.
I think we’ve forgotten this ability.
We often believe we need more information, more advice or another podcast. But many of the answers we’re searching for don’t come from consuming more. They come from creating space to hear what’s really going on for us.
It’s a bit like walking outside on a bright moonlit night. At first, you think you need a torch. But if you simply let your eyes adjust, you realise you can see far more than you first imagined.
Today, that space is harder to find than ever;
A University of California study estimates that the average person consumes around 34GB of information every day - roughly the equivalent of watching five HD films back to back!
That was in 2008. Before smartphones!
Many of us reach for our phones the moment we wake up. We check emails before checking in with ourselves. We scroll whenever we feel bored, anxious or uncomfortable.
None of these habits are bad in themselves. But over time they can quietly train us to pay more attention to everyone else’s thoughts than our own.
Our brains were never designed to process this much information every day. Yet many of us are quite literally drowning in it; texts, whatsapps, emails, Teams, DM’s etc.
Drowning is such a tragic image because, when someone is drowning, they often can’t call out for help.
It all adds up. The constant stream of information takes a toll on our minds, yet it has become so normal that we barely notice it.
What can we do about it?
Let our brain get to work. It already knows far more than we often give it credit for. It knows what we’re feeling. It knows what we need. It often even knows the next small step.
It just needs the space to sort, settle and make sense of it all.
The Insight Pause
Step 1 - Disconnect For Mental Recovery
Do one of these today;
Make yourself a drink. Sit on the sofa 10 minutes.
Look out of the window or sit in the garden
Go for a short 10 minute walk
Take 5 mins after exercise to sit down and properly rest
Relax in a warm bath
This pause helps the brain recover from constant input, reduce mental overload and restore the attention you need to think clearly.
Step 2 - Reflect for Clarity and Insight
Answer these questions one at time;
What is one thing I’m feeling?
What’s one small thing that would help?
What time can I take that small action?
This practice is probably one of the simplest ways to develop cognitive flexibility and emotional intelligence.
Just these 3 questions help the brain access the networks that provide perspective, problem solving and a greater sense of control.
By noticing what we're feeling, identifying what we need, and following through on one small action, we strengthen both our confidence and our sense of control.
These skills are vital to strengthen our resilience.
Examples:
What is one thing I’m feeling?
Tired.
What’s one small thing that would help?
Go to bed on time.
What time can I take that small action?
Stretch at 9.30pm to help me go to bed at 10pm.
What is one thing I’m feeling?
Overwhelmed.
What’s one small thing that would help?
Reply to one important email OR make progress with the upcoming presentation.
What time can I take that small action?
Start now for 10 minutes, or book 10:00 am tomorrow in my calendar.
Final Thought
Our mind has an incredibly intuitive sat nav. Helping guide us to useful next steps which help solve our problems and challenges. We just need to give it the space to get to work.
Our brain contains around 86 billion neurons, making trillions of connections. It’s one of the most sophisticated pattern recognition systems we know of.
Given enough space, it’s remarkably good at making sense of complex situations and finding solutions.
You are a good person, doing your best. That is enough.
“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant.”
― Albert Einstein
Tired of trying really hard but still not making the progress you want?
Need a hand? Feel alone?
Don’t wait, contact someone today. You deserve support as much as anyone else. You are not alone. Reply to this message if that’s easiest.
Text Shout - 85258 - simple support via text, I used when I wasn’t sure who to turn to
Call Samaritans 116 123 - no problem too small, I’ve used a couple of times, once during a relationship break up, once when one of my family said they were suicidal and I wasn’t sure who to ask for help
NHS Every Mind Matters - simple and effective resources you can access immediately here