Reassurance

A simple reminder that you can find a way

Reassurance

Sometimes we go through periods of self doubt and uncertainty. What normally feels easy starts to feel hard. We second guess ourselves. Instead of asking for help, we keep everything in.

We all know this feeling. It’s uncomfortable. We forget that we have experienced storms before and come out the otherside. Our situation can start to feel permanent and overwhelming.

This post brings together a few stories and ideas to offer some reassurance. My hope is that at least one will help in some way today.

A reminder that it’s normal to feel uncertain and overwhelmed, while holding in mind that in difficult moments, we are often more capable than we first feel.

A true story from two weeks ago

Two weeks ago, I had been procrastinating about moving some furniture out of storage and into the garage. I finally got on with it, hired a van, and although it was annoying, it was actually easier than expected. Even so, I was still feeling grumpy, convinced it was taking me away from more important work.

When I returned the van, the man serving me seemed stressed. I asked how his day was going. He said they were short staffed and had been for months. I asked when had he last got a real moment of rest. He said, “Can’t remember, even at home, even in bed, I’m still thinking about work.”

I sympathised and said that must be really hard. Not being able to switch off is often a sign of significant stress. Then he told me his story. In the space of three months;

• his dad had been diagnosed with terminal cancer

• his daughter had been in hospital

• his wife had a cancer scare

• he lost his dog

• work made it hard for him to take time off

• and then his dad died

My mood changed immediately. I was no longer in a rush. Hearing about his suffering reset my perspective.

Stories do this to us. They interrupt our narrow view of the world and remind us that every person is carrying something we cannot see. Emotionally, stories help us feel less alone. Mentally, they widen perspective, soften judgement, and bring us back to what matters.

Why other people’s stories help

A couple of months ago, when I was feeling stressed about my elderly parents, I found comfort in listening to this true story of a plane crash in the jungle.

What struck me was how she responded when faced with immense pain and crushing uncertainty.

I find that learning about another person’s struggle brings a kind of emotional release. It reminds me that difficulty is part of all our lives, and that it is normal for things to go wrong sometimes.

There is a deeper point as well. Humans evolved as a social species. Our nervous systems are not designed to cope alone.

We feel calmer when we share the events of our day, both ordinary and difficult. When those around us respond with understanding a natural reframing occurs.

This is one of the hidden costs of modern life. Many of us live in ways that are more isolated and self contained. We miss chances to share our stories, and instead they go around in our heads on repeat. Our interpretation of ourselves and others becomes blurred.

I wonder if that is part of the reason podcast listening has grown so much? Even just listening to other people’s stories can help soothe us.

Redwoods

One of the most powerful metaphors I know for resilience comes from redwood trees.

Redwoods are the tallest trees on Earth, as high as a 30 storey building. You might imagine their roots go incredibly deep. But they don’t.

Their roots are surprisingly shallow. What they do instead is extraordinary: they spread out and intertwine with the roots of other redwoods. They support one another. Their strength comes not just from standing tall, but from growing together.

That feels like an important reminder. We often imagine resilience as something solitary. Quietly coping. Persevering alone.

But some of the strongest forms of resilience are shared. Reaching out. Letting ourselves be supported. Asking for help.

Kintsugi

There is a Japanese art called kintsugi, in which broken pottery is repaired using a gold lacquer.

The object does not become less beautiful because it has been broken. In many ways, it becomes more beautiful. More distinct. I find that reassuring.

Many of us carry cracks. Stress. Loss. Disappointment. Times when life did not go the way we hoped. We can be tempted to see these experiences as evidence that we have failed or that we are not good enough.

But perhaps some of the most valuable parts of us are shaped in the repair. The grit. The wisdom. The perspective. The deeper compassion.

Being broken at different points in my life has definitely made me a better parent, a kinder person, cultivating a stronger will to persevere while also being more vulnerable and open to change.

A final thought

This moment may feel overwhelming, but it is unlikely to be permanent. You do not need to have everything figured out today. You do not need to carry everything alone.

Sometimes reassurance does not come from a grand answer. Sometimes it comes from a story, a conversation, a metaphor, or a small reminder that being human has always included struggle, repair, and support.

It’s not avoiding the tough moments, they exist for all of us, but how we find a way through them.

You are a good person, doing your best. That’s enough.

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the rest of the world calls a butterfly.”

- Lao Tzu

Suffolk woman hopes to run 200 marathons in 200 days - here

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Need a hand? Feel alone? Don’t wait, contact someone today. You deserve support as much as anyone else. You are not alone. Reply to this message if that’s easiest.

• Text Shout - 85258 - simple support via text, I used when I wasn’t sure who to turn to

• Call Samaritans 116 123 - no problem too small, I’ve used a couple of times, once during a relationship break up, once when one of my family said they were suicidal and I wasn’t sure who to ask for help

• NHS Every Mind Matters - simple and effective resources you can access immediately here