What does enough look like?

Reset a belief to reduce self judgment

What do you believe doing enough looks like?

Someone asked me this the other day and I struggled to provide a coherent answer.

I could feel myself rattling off a few obvious ones: told the children I love them, helped at least one person. But as I was answering, I realised I didn’t have a clear definition of what enough looks like.

And then it dawned on me: we spend a surprising amount of our lives trying to meet standards we’ve never consciously set.

And then we judge ourselves against them.

That feels a bit scary. Like I’ve overlooked something really important. Something that can fuel self critical thoughts, exacerbate stress levels and contribute to behaviours that lead to burnout.

If I do a parkrun, I know where the finish line is. If I have to make a meal for the family, I know when it’s ready.

But what is ‘enough’ for a work day? What is ‘enough’ as a parent?

Today’s post focuses on the working day. If you’d like me to create a version for parents too, let me know in the comments or simply reply to this email.

We spend a huge proportion of our waking lives at work.

For the average full time job, that’s around 173 hours a month, or 2,080 hours a year!

That’s a lot of time spent trying hard, often without ever being told what ‘enough’ actually looks like. And when the finishing line is unclear, it’s easy for difficult thoughts to fill the gap.

And all of this is before we even get into the comparison trap that social media can so easily draw us into.

Why beliefs matter

(This post was inspired when designing my new one hour session; Working Parents Recharge. Please get in touch with susan@tinypause.co.uk if you’d like to bring this session to your organisation.)

Our beliefs act like a filter.

They shape:

• What we notice

• How we interpret what happens

• How we feel about it

• What we do next

For example, if I believe that ‘a productive day means getting everything on my to do list done’, an unfinished task may leave me feeling frustrated or guilty.

That feeling may then push me to work longer, struggle to switch off, or feel that the day was a failure.

So our beliefs are not just ideas in our heads.

They quietly shape our emotions, our behaviour and the standards we judge ourselves against.

Reset our beliefs. Refine our filter. Define enough.

Think about an ordinary work day and ask yourself:

What would need to happen today for me to genuinely say: I’ve done enough at work today?

Write down three things only. You will probably be tempted to add more, but keep it to three.

A little conscious effort to define what ‘enough’ looks like today can make it much easier to recognise when you have reached it, which can pay off significantly in the long term.

Then ask:

If someone I cared about lived by this same standard every day, would I think it was reasonable?

If the answer is no, rewrite your definition of ‘enough’ until the answer is yes.

Here’s my 3

• One hour focus on Deep Work to complete one task - or one segment of a task

• Replying only to genuinely important emails/messages, and accepting I’ll need to leave most until tomorrow or the next day

• Checking my schedule to make sure I’ve protected time for my most important tasks today and tomorrow, as well as at least one high quality break on both days

Final Thought

As many of you know, my aim is to make scientifically proven techniques as simple and accessible as possible.

This means I often find myself thinking deeply about questions like:

If we could only do one thing to improve focus, become more resilient, reduce self criticism, what would it be?

With today’s theme in mind, if we could only do one thing to help us feel like we’ve done enough each work day, what would it be?

Complete one important task each day.

(Next week I’ll tell you about my new mini course, Focus Better Feel Better.)

Completing something meaningful gives our brain a clear signal of progress.

That matters because progress is psychologically rewarding. It creates a sense of satisfaction while reducing the mental load of unfinished tasks. Making it easier to feel that the day has moved forward.

The important bit is meaningful; Answering 20 emails might make us feel busy. Completing one task that genuinely matters can make us feel like we have achieved something.

‘Enough’ does not need to mean getting everything done.

I think it means knowing what mattered most, and giving that our full attention.

You are a good person, doing your best. That is enough.

“It is difficult to find happiness within oneself, but it is impossible to find it anywhere else.” - Schopenhauer

This week I enjoyed;

• How do people across the world spend their time? - here

• I stopped listening to podcasts – and my mind flooded with ideas - here

Need a hand? Feel alone?

Don’t wait, contact someone today. You deserve support as much as anyone else. You are not alone. Reply to this message if that’s easiest.

• Text Shout - 85258 - simple support via text, I used when I wasn’t sure who to turn to

• Call Samaritans 116 123 - no problem too small, I’ve used a couple of times, once during a relationship break up, once when one of my family said they were suicidal and I wasn’t sure who to ask for help

• NHS Every Mind Matters - simple and effective resources you can access immediately here