“Many people lose the small joys in the hope for the big happiness.”
― Pearl S. Buck
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When I was a young parent I neglected to give my children regular moments of undivided attention.
When I was in a long term relationship I neglected to express how I really felt about my feelings of stress and pressure.
When I’ve felt sad and low I’ve neglected seeing friends even though it would have really helped.
I wont go on as this whole post could list the many things I've neglected over the years.
Today my aim is to help you identify one thing you’ve been neglecting and then give it some focused attention today.
Why is this such a powerful exercise? Two reasons;
There is definitely one small thing you can do today to nurture a part of your life you’ve been neglecting in some way - usually because you’ve been busy & low on time
You feel better immediately and, the best bit, you reduce some of the residual guilt, shame or stress that has been building up in the back of your mind
Simply answer each of the below questions
Step 1 Identify
It’s ok if you identify more than one thing, we will prioritise them in steps 2 & 3. My examples are next to each question;
Who is one person you’ve been meaning to get in touch with? - one of my brothers
What’s one thing you’ve been meaning to do to help your body? - have a long hot bath
What's one chore in the house you’ve been meaning to get around to? - vikal the sinks
Step 2 - Define Value of Action
Today you only have time to focus attention on one thing
Which area/ person/ thing is going to help lift your mood the most? - long hot bath
Which area will help you significantly reduce some stress, anxiety, worry, shame, guilt? - contacting one of my brothers
Step 3 - Focus on Small & Easy
When energy is depleted and time is low, focusing on the easiest option significantly increases completion of a specific goal
What’s the smallest step I could take? - send my brother a text or voice message
What’s one alternative to the above? - have a long hot bath for 10 mins
Step 4 - Set a time and possible feeling outcome
Today I will…….at this time…………and afterwards I will probably feel…………
Today I will voice message my brother at 6pm and afterwards I will feel love for him and closer to him
The Benefit of Focused Attention
A couple of weeks ago I went on a long walk at Wimpole Woods. It was a grey rainy afternoon. As we made our way down past the folly we could see across the little lake.
And at just that moment the sun came out and shone across the water. It felt like a film. That burst of light transformed everything. The colour of the sky, the shapes on the water, the feeling of transcendence.
I become aware of the significance as neither of us spoke for a minute, we were simply captivated by how this celestial light had altered everything around it.
That light is the power of our focused attention. That’s what you are giving someone, or something, when you give them just a moment of undivided attention.
It transforms how you feel, it transforms how they feel, it transforms something today.
If we decide to focus our attention on ourselves (often greatly needed as we frequently neglect ourselves) that ‘light’ nurtures a sense of internal warmth and reassurance.
When we are tired and busy we don't have much capacity to give many things this quality of attention. The era of distraction we live in compounds this feeling of ‘focus fatigue’.
Choosing to focus our attention towards a place we have been neglecting is, in my experience, often the easiest way to experience significant benefit from one simple action.
“It was only a sunny smile,
little it cost in the giving,
but like morning light it scattered the night,
and made the day worth living”
- F Scott Fitzgerald.
You are a good person, doing your best. That’s the most each of us can do.
This week I enjoyed:
How to Talk to a Friend You’re Worried About - here
Is it true that … running destroys your knees? - here
Need a hand? Feel alone? Don’t wait, contact someone today. You deserve support as much as anyone else. You are not alone. Reply to this message if that’s easiest.
Text Shout - 85258 - simple support via text, I used when I wasn't sure who to turn to
Call Samaritans 116 123 - no problem too small, I've used a couple of times, once during a relationship break up, once when one of my family said they were suicidal and I wasn't sure who to ask for help
NHS Every Mind Matters - simple and effective resources you can access immediately here