You Are Normal

A small dose of vulnerability goes a long way

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Did you work really hard today but not get everything done? You're normal.

Did you avoid speaking up in a meeting because you were worried about how people would judge you? You're normal.

Did you shout at someone you care about? You're normal.

Did you plan to do some exercise but then felt you couldn't be bothered and just watched TV instead? You're normal.

Did you plan to complete a specific task today but ending up just procrastinating about it - again! You're normal.

Did you feel envious of someone who has achieved something you’d like to achieve? You're normal.

Did you forget something you really needed? You’re normal.

We are creatures not machines. We have nervous systems, not computer chips. We act irrationally, we get moody, we lose patience, we make unrealistic targets. This is normal. We are normal. You are normal.

Every time we tell ourselves we are not normal we are hurting ourselves. Each time we compare ourselves to an unrealistic standard of perfection (which doesn't even exist!) we cause ourselves emotional pain. It leads us to hide how we really feel and conceal our true selves.

We become more prone to burnout because we use an extreme amount of energy projecting that we are fine\ likeable\ attractive\ brilliant\ capable. We struggle with our identity because we aim to please others but not ourselves. We are more susceptible to self critical thoughts, depression and anxiety.

However, every time we acknowledge that we are imperfect we take an empowering step. Each time we move from; "Something is wrong with me," to "It's okay to struggle—I'm human." we;

• Protect ourselves from burnout

• Reduce self criticism, stress and anxiety

• Improve our problem solving skills

• Feel less isolated

• Strengthen our emotional resilience

That is an incredible list of benefits for such a simple action

A tiny step today

How can we feel more normal?

We take one moment a day to acknowledge one difficult feeling we experienced when things didn't work out the way we hoped or planned for. I’ve prepared a list below to make it as easy as possible for you to get started.

Over time we learn that failure is simply data. That we need to change or adjust something to get closer to the result we are aiming for. Self blame and shame delay us turning that data into valuable actions. Acknowledging how we feel is like a vaccine, a small dose of vulnerability that strengthens our psychological immune system.

You do this by acknowledging one sentence. Or writing one sentence. One sentence a day! The Minimum Effective Dose of writing a diary. Supported by over 146 studies here

No time to write? Just read the below and take a moment to acknowledge one you can relate to today.

Not sure what to write? Just copy one of the sentences below that speaks to how you feel and change any relevant words accordingly.

Want to support someone you care about today? Read the below list out to someone and ask them which one they can relate to. Then tell them you empathise, that you've felt the same before. This builds trust and helps us feel connected.

Here are the options

"I had a lot on my plate today and didn’t accomplish as much as I hoped, so it’s okay that I’m feeling a bit drained."

"I gave my best effort to stay motivated, but I didn’t accomplish much, and it’s okay to feel a bit down."

"I tried to take care of myself today, but I’m still feeling fatigued, and that’s understandable, I’ve been working so hard"

“I really tried to communicate openly, but we didn’t resolve things the way I hoped, and it’s normal to feel frustrated."

“I spent the whole day tackling tasks, but I still have a lot left, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed."

“I feel a bit low today, I understand everyone feels this sometimes, it will pass”

In the novel I’m currently reading (All Fours) there is a brilliant line ‘the thing about thinking so much about the past and the future is it wastes so much of the now”.

Taking a moment to recognise that we are normal helps us return to the present moment sooner. We are imperfect people in an imperfect world. We can try really really hard and still some things wont work the way we want them to. It’s ok. Yes it can be frustrating but it’s ok. Accepting things as they are we find it easier to see the bigger picture. We slowly learn that even though things might be bad outside, we are good inside.

You are a good person, doing your best. That’s the most each of us can do.

“The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.”

― John Green

This week I found these interesting:

Facebook to stop targeting ads at UK woman after legal fight - here

Working with the Costs of Perfectionism - here

Need a hand? Feel alone? Don’t wait, contact someone today. You deserve support as much as anyone else. You are not alone. Reply to this message if that’s easiest.

• Text Shout - 85258 - simple support via text, I used when I wasn't sure who to turn to

• Call Samaritans 116 123 - no problem too small, I've used a couple of times, once during a relationship break up, once when one of my family said they were suicidal and I wasn't sure who to ask for help

• NHS Every Mind Matters - simple and effective resources you can access immediately here

From the last of the 7 mountains in Bergen. I completed the set and this was the reward.